


adolescence

by wingsaloof



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-19 18:52:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12415932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingsaloof/pseuds/wingsaloof
Summary: Muku, Yuki and the first year of high school.





	adolescence

Come spring, the cherry flowers in bloom. The season for beginnings and love, and nothing could scream “shoujo manga” more than starting high school amid a rain of pink blossoms. As an avid fan of the genre, Muku should be excited for the start of his new life, but all he could feel was anxiety. The first days went well, no one dared to mess with him (of course, even if his cousin had graduated, his influence was still strong on the delinquents). Classes still were easy, things were the same with the Company and everything was following its normal stream. But…

“Mukkun, Taicchan, come here! You have to check this out!”

Upon arriving at the dormitory, Muku was greeted by his roommate’s gleeful shouts. He could hear Kazunari jumping around and Taichi had already started to run to see what was happening.

“Yuki-chan!!” The boy sounded delighted. “You look so cool!!”

"Cut it out, you two.”

Finally reaching the lounge room, Muku understood why his friends were so hyped by Yuki. He looked amazing in the Hanasaki Academy uniform. The plain colors highlighted his hair, the blazer a bit too large on his shoulders. The tie was already half undone, giving him a mature look. Muku’s heart could burst out of his chest at any second now, really.

“Mukkun is speechless, huh.” Kazunari laughed, patting his shoulder.

“I totally get your feelings, Mucchan!” Taichi whistled, nodding in agreement.

Yuki was blooming into a handsome prince, a boy turning into a man, turning into something unknown inside Muku’s heart.

“Are you really going to just stand there?” His words snapped Muku back to reality, his cheeks becoming red with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry!” He stuttered. “I got a bit taken back by how good you look…”

“Makes you kinda glad he went to Hanasaki, right? Ohana’s uniform is so bland…”

“Is this why the girls won’t look at me? Kazu-kun, should I ask for a transfer for a school with a better uniform?”

Leaving behind a crying Taichi, a disgruntled Yuki and a laughing Kazunari, Muku went back to his room, clutching his chest. If this was a shoujo manga, surely he would be thinking “what is this feeling…”

 

Maybe he got a bit too used to Yuki’s presence. Their schedules matched perfectly, from going to school together to etude practice. It was a fortunate coincidence for Muku, who found a friend in his sharp-tongued classmate. He didn’t expect for them to get along so well, and felt truly happy to be able to spend his days with him.

They chose different high schools. Muku went to his cousin’s alma mater, Ohana High School, while Yuki enrolled into Hanasaki Academy, the nearby private school. In other words, their routine wasn’t as interlaced as before, allowing Muku to finally experience that angsty longing he saw in so many comics before. It was as bittersweet as he expected it to be, to be honest. But it definitely wasn’t a good feeling.

 

Yuki had grown tall, taller than Muku. His spurt started together with summer, the familiar season they learned to love thanks to the memories from it. Muku was getting used to look up to his friend when taking measurements, the tip of Yuki’s hair making his nose scrunch, nearing a sneeze. The closeness was driving Muku’s heart crazy, even though he had gotten used to having his body touched all over. Breathe in, breathe out. He can’t mess this up and have to go through it again.

“You’ve grown, Muku.” The couturier jotted down a couple of numbers, scribbling over previous annotations. “The clothes I designed won’t fit anymore, it’ll need some adjustments. Can you please turn around? I think your waist size has changed too.”

Doing as ordered, he raised his arms to make things easier. Was he starting his growth spurt, finally? Juu-chan also had his around this time of the year. He remembers the difference in his height before and after summer vacation. What if the tardiness in his spurt meant that he was going to grow faster and taller, and he was going to hit two meters, but it wasn’t going to stop there, he actually was going to become a giant and Yuki would be the size of the palm of his hand, and he accidentally would smash him…!

“I’m not going to stab you with a needle, stop looking so frightened.”

‘That’s not it’, he wants to reply, but if Yuki asked what was going through his mind, it was better to just let it as it is… At the very least, they were spending some time by themselves. With the next play coming up, his days were filled with rehearsals with the whole troupe, Tenma being extra demanding because it was his return to the leading role. It was nostalgic, though, to spend most of his hours close to Yuki.

The feel of unrefined fabric over his chest, the needle ghosting over his skin, calloused hands and their delicate touch, a low humming coming from Yuki’s throat, the smile and accomplishment in his eyes when he finally was satisfied with the outfit, the serenity in the act of measuring and adjusting. All of those little things helped Muku to fall further in love with Yuki, further beyond reason.

He was really hopeless, wasn’t him? Just like the second option of a romantic triangle.

 

The play was a success, like always. The seasons transitioned and autumn arrived, as loud as it has even been since he joined Mankai Company. Juu-chan was the lead this time, so he couldn’t wait to see the new production on stage. Muku, indeed, had gained a couple centimeters over the holidays and caught up to Yuki, their heights now close to each other’s. And even though summer had ended, he managed to conquer some extra time with him, although by sheer luck. Taichi was the second lead, therefore he couldn’t help with seaming, leaving the spot open. Muku immediately offered himself, seizing the chance to be by Yuki’s side and to be helpful for the company.

“If you feel sleepy, you can just leave and go back to your room, okay?”

“I won’t! If you’re going to work all night long, I’m going to stand by your side.”

 “Are you sure you can keep up?”

“I will do my best! Please don’t worry about me!”

Sewing was a silent act, and although it demanded concentration, it was a good chance to reflect on one’s thoughts. Lately, Muku had been thinking more seriously about his own feelings. Rather, he was doing it with a realistic approach. Nothing guaranteed that his love would be welcomed. He didn’t need it to be reciprocated, no, but he wanted to be rejected as a love interest and not as a person. Yuki was known for his sharp tongue, and even though he treated Muku with an exceptional kindness, no one knew how he would react if confessed to. Especially if the person confessing is someone puny, weak, tiny and worthless as himself.

The thought of Yuki laughing at him, using those cold eyes of his, despising and abandoning him and ending their friendship hurt Muku deeply. It made him want to cry, breathless, as if those hardworking hands he loved were the ones strangling him. As if Yuki sadistically stabbed him with each one of his needles, merciless. Of course the boy he loved wasn’t like this, but at least Muku thought that if he was as good as Yuki and if someone this ridiculous confessed to him, he certainly would pity the person.

But bottling up or killing his feelings sounded too cruel. He wanted to be a prince, not the side character who disappears after chapter 5 because he wasn’t interesting enough. He was tired of playing that role.

 

The year approached its end with the arrival of winter. Muku no longer had to help with the costumes, since Taichi was available again. It was better like this. Taichi had more experience and Yuki was used to working with him. So now, with his next play starting six months away, Muku was left again with his own thoughts, which was no good, as expected.

Kazunari was busy with a huge project he had to do for extra credits for his oil painting class. Tenma was overseas for the holidays, shooting a romance movie. Misumi would ask him to help looking for triangles, and sometimes Juu-chan asked how things were going at school. That was it, mostly. December was such a dead month for those who weren’t practicing.

The silent nights weren’t good for his health. It was hard to sleep, with no noises to distract him. Usually he could hear Itaru playing on his computer, but he was working overtime lately. Once in a while, Tsuzuru’s furious typing was so intense, it could be heard from the second floor (and Kazunari would joke but be worried about it). But the play was already done and now the scriptwriter had fallen into his week-long slumber. Not even Taichi’s whines could be heard coming from Yuki’s room. Only his sewing machine rattled into midnight, a rhythmical pattern echoing through the walls, thumping against Muku’s head.

Kazunari had long ago fall asleep, displaying oil and paint stains all over his clothes and hands. Muku tried to focus on his snoring, the little whispers his vivid dreams caused from time to time. Useless. The rattling filled his ears and mind, making him think of Yuki, school uniforms, bears, makeup, frilly dresses, lilies and rejection.

Not even the softest pillow in the world could put him to sleep. Not even the most charming prince with the most beautiful voice in the universe could calm him with a lullaby.

 

“Muku, your skin looks so dry lately. Can I give you some tips for you to make it a bit better? It would be a shame for your face to be destroyed by the spotlights when you perform.”

“Azu-neesan?”

It was early morning, the city still asleep and covered by fog outside the window. Muku didn’t expect to be found by someone at the kitchen, but looking at Azuma, he could tell that he hadn’t sleep a wink that night either.

“What are you doing here so early? Kids like you should be sleeping, otherwise you won’t grow up properly.”

“I could ask you the same, Azu-neesan.” Muku stuttered, a bit flustered. “Rehearsals finish so late into the night, you should get some rest.”

“I’m not much of a sleeping person, I get by with only a couple hours.” Azuma used his characteristic gentle and mysterious smile. “But thank you for your concern. Although I’m the one who should be concerned about you. Have you been having trouble with sleep? You can always come to my room if you need company, you know.”

Azu-nee always sounded like those mature characters in smutty shoujo stories. The ones who allure you and steal your heart and conscience, and you become devoted to them, and when you notice, you’re already living with them, but then their twin brother appears and it becomes a love triangle, and by volume three, you’re already being sold to a human trafficker in Europe in order to build up more drama and…!

Anyway, Azu-nee sounded very experienced. Muku didn’t know much about his past, only about his family, but given his previous job, he probably has had some partners before. Would it be a good idea to ask him for guidance? Or at least vent to him about his feelings?

“Actually, there’s something I need to talk about…”

“I’m all ears.”

And right there, on that kitchen counter, Muku spilled everything that had been killing him on the inside for the last year. His love for Yuki, his fears, his lack of confidence, every little thing that he lost sleep for. His words ran over themselves, his stuttering making his voice falter, his throat itching, suffocating, pleading for air. Yet, he continued, pouring his heart out, even when the corner of his eyes got burningly hot and his vision started to blur. In no time, the tears started to drop, one by one, turning into a seamless stream. Azuma would nod and pat his back, telling him to breathe.

“I really, really love him, Azu-nee, and I’m really scared of what will happen if I tell him. I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want him to go away… I don’t want him to hate me, what do I do?” Muku’s voice was muffled by hiccups, his face deeply red. “I want to be strong, I want to be someone worth of him, but I can’t even look at his eyes when I’m talking to him… I’m so weak… I’m despicable, I’m the worst…”

Azuma wrapped him in a tight hug, his sweater soft against Muku’s cheeks, even though he was soaking it with his tears. The boy couldn’t help but cry harder, feeling the gentle warmth around him.

“Muku, you’re not what you think you are. You’re a wonderful kid. You’re a good actor, you’re smart, you’re creative, you’re a great friend. And most important of all, you’re much stronger than you think. You have been enduring it all for this long, and yet you’re able to gather the guts to want to confess to the person you love… I think you’re amazing. Just like a prince.” He smiled, running his hand through Muku’s hair.

The young actor felt so thankful for his words, even though he couldn’t believe all of it. Azuma knew that would be the case, but he hoped that even if it was a little bit, he had given some courage to Muku.

“Will you forgive Yuki if he hates me, Azu-nee?”

“He won’t do it.”

“How do you know?”

“The same way I always knew you’re head over heels for him.” Surprised, Muku blushed harder. He was aware that he wasn’t very good at hiding his feelings, but if Azu-nee had known it for so long…

“Thank you for listening to me, Azu-neesan. I’m sorry for bothering you so early in the morning…”

“Don’t apologize. I was worried about you, after all.” Instead of his trademark smile, Azuma’s expression was softer, more genuine, as if taking care of a younger sibling. “Now, do you want to help me with breakfast, or do you want to go upstairs and sleep for a while?”

 

The New Year started with no noteworthy events. The Winter Troupe presentations were on-hold for the first week of January, a little break during a couple of days that were hard to get profit from. Tenma still was away, working on that long movie. It seemed that the director wanted to change the focus of it, and now they were shooting for some two weeks longer than planned. Kazunari managed to turn in his project, just in time, and now was in a state close to Tsuzuru after finishing a script.

Or maybe that was the effect of the cold he caught.

“Mukkun, I’ve told you, there’s no need for ya to take care of me!” Contradicting his own words, Kazunari coughed mid-sentence. “I’m used to it, if I just sleep I’ll recover super quick!”

“Kazu-kun, colds are no laughing matter…” Muku frowned, trying to fix the compress on his roommate’s forehead. “You need someone to be by your side!”

“I don’t want you to catch it, tho…” He pouted, shaking his head. “What do I do if you get sick because of me? Your finals are coming soon, you need to study…”

“I’ll be fine! Don’t worry about me!”

Their dialogue was starting to sound a bit too dramatic, maybe.

“At least promise me you won’t sleep here?” Kazunari did his best impersonation of Taichi’s puppy eyes. “I really don’t want to make you sick, Mukkun.”

“And where do you want me to go?”

“Well, Tenten is still overseas, so Yukki is by himself…”

His eyes widened, his ears turning red. He hasn’t told Kazunari about his crush, but there’s so much time you can spend with someone this close while hiding your pinning for a mutual friend. Also, just like Azuma, he was observant, mindful of other people’s feelings. There’s no way he couldn’t have not noticed, that suggestion definitely had some undertones to it.

“I don’t want to bother Yuki-kun…”

“You won’t bother him!” Kazu interrupted him. “He’s probably lonely, go make him some company! If anything happens, I’ll just scream loud enough for you to hear me.”

“Are you sure...?” Muku hesitated, even though the set-up was obvious.

“Just go, Mukkun! Or I’ll sneeze all over you!”

“Take care…” The boy moved away, grabbing his pillow and walking towards the entrance. “Good night, Kazu-kun.”

“Good night!” He smiled, waving. As Muku closed the door, Kazu whispered an extra ‘good luck’.

 

A soft knock on the door snapped Yuki out of his trance. His attention was previously on the world outside, the stars lining up and dancing between themselves outside his window. Silence, for once, had allowed him to watch that spectacle. Therefore, that knock was closer to a gunshot than to a simple touch of knuckles against wood.

Nevertheless, recomposed, Yuki simply replied. “Come in.”

To his surprise, Muku stood at the doorway, holding a cushion slightly larger than himself. “Kazu-kun is sick”, he started to explain. “He doesn’t want me to catch his cold, so he told me to sleep over here… Is it okay?”

“Are you okay with sleeping on that useless actor’s bed? You may catch his arrogance. I’d rather have the flu.”

Muku giggled, nodding. “I’m completely fine with it.” Maybe he could even catch Tenma’s talent instead, but that was too much of wishful thinking, even for his standards. He even felt a bit ashamed of coming close to compare himself to someone like Tenma.

Breathing in, the boy climbed to his bed for the night, the sheets completely tidied, as if it had just been ironed. It looked like Yuki, all things included, had been taking good care of his roommate’s space while he was away. “I’m sorry for intruding.”

“No problem, don’t mind.”

“Did I wake you up?” That was going better than expected. He hadn’t stammered so far, and with a bit more courage, he could look at Yuki’s eyes, even if only for a split second. Maybe the darkness made it easier. Maybe the stars twinkling outside were cheering for him. Muku would like that to be the truth.

“No, I wasn't sleeping yet. Just stargazing.” Yuki had a soft smile, his expression gentle, slightly sleepy. “It’s rare to have some peace here. Tenma usually practices until late night, it’s so damn annoying to sleep with so much noise.” His voice had that little sharp edge that made Muku’s heart skip a couple beats, be it by making him enamored or scared of hearing that tone directed to him. “You can go to sleep if you want to, I’ll keep the lights off.”

“Actually, do you mind if I join you?”

During the previous month, Muku had accepted Azuma’s invite a couple of times. Helping people to sleep sounded like a weird job, but Azu-nee was definitely good at it. Besides allowing Muku to catch up on his missed rest, he had helped with some more advice. Not only about love, but also about life. About how Muku should pursue his passions and the importance of being true to yourself. How some opportunities are once-in-a-lifetime and how he should seize it. Sometimes, Muku noticed a stronger melancholy in Azuma's voice, as if he wished someone had told him all of that.

At least, he passed his knowledge on. And Muku was sure that this was one of the situations Azu-nee had mentioned.

"Sure, come over here."

Muku hopped over to Yuki's bed, taking extra care to not fall and mess everything up. That was his chance and he had to use it. Whatever it happens later, at least he, for once, would be honest to himself and to his friend.

The silence between the two boys would be peaceful and calming if Muku wasn't scared of Yuki hearing his heartbeat. It was thumping so strongly, it resonated all over his body, echoing in his ears. Yuki was close enough to hear it, right? Would that spoil the mood? Of course it would, right? What Azu-nee said about this...? Muku's mind went blank. All that counselling for nothing. Great. And he wasn't even looking at the stars, what a shame. Was Yuki comfortable with that silence? Should he say something to break it? Oh, dear, what if his stomach grumbled? What if his cellphone beeped? What if...

"How's school going for you?" The seamster casually asked, picking out a neutral topic.

"It's normal." Muku hoped his nervousness didn't show through his voice. "The teachers are good and my classmates are okay."

"Really? I thought Ohana was filled with delinquents."

"No, not at all..." A chuckle escaped from his lips. "You got that impression from Juu-chan, right? And what about your school? How is it?"

"Boring." The answer came fast, the word jumping from Yuki's mouth. "Everyone's the same, so I don't have many friends. Also, since I know the psycho stalker, there used to be a lot of girls coming to bother me every single day about him."

"Whoa..." Muku gasped, honestly impressed with Masumi's popularity. "But it's too bad you couldn't get along with your classmates. Maybe next year?"

"We get along, I'm just not chummy with them." He shook his head, sighing. "You know, I kind of miss middle school."

"The classes were easier, right?" The boy laughed, more relaxed by now. It was a bit funny, to feel nostalgic over something that only happened a year ago. Time passed so fast for them, months ago they were only kids and now they were taller than some of the other high schoolers in the theatre. Months ago, Muku never imagined that someday he would be able to share a bed with Yuki Rurikawa and stargaze with him, as his friend. One year ago, he would completely freeze at the idea of confessing to someone. Yet, here he was, gathering every ounce of his strength to open his mouth and share his feelings.

Shoujo manga usually takes place during high school, at the time where people are changing the most and everything feels a bit fleeting. Three years that fly by in a blur, and when you start to enjoy it, it's over. Was that speed the charm of adolescence? The lack of awareness that time is cruel and it doesn't allows remakes, that every chance is the only one you have, and after that, life will be completely different? Was that the reason why so many writers were encaptivated by it, trying to stitch together the flashes they still had of their own time as teenagers?

Or was Muku just plain scared of never being able to confess his feelings before his time is over? Before Yuki falls in love with someone, before they fall apart for some reason, before no more chances present themselves before him?

"There's that, but... I also miss having you around." Yuki's eyes were glued to the window, avoiding Muku's reaction. His cheeks were slightly rose-tinted, his mouth forming a pout denouncing his embarrassment. "I mean, you're my..." Muku halted his breath, excited while facing the unknown. "You're my friend, okay? Of course I'll want to spend more time with you than with those guys."

That was his cue. It had to be. Everything was leading up to it, and even if Yuki had just semi-friendzoned him, that could be the pivotal moment of his fifteenth year.

"Actually, Yuki-kun, I..." He closed his eyes, praying for a miracle. "I feel a bit different about you than you do about me!"

The air was sharper than a knife and Muku couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. He may have shouted that a bit too loud, and startled Yuki, who's probably in shock right now... The embarrassment was catching up to him, his face set ablaze, his throat clenching. What should he do now, what should he do... was it too late to go back to his room? He hoped he could go home soon, actually. Visit his family and all that. Maybe travel overseas like Tenma and never come back, what if Citron had some extra space at his home country? Anywhere but that bed would be a fine place to be.

"I'm... sorry..."

Yuki's voice sounded like a mix of fragility and madness, something that Kazunari would perfectly define as 'smad'. His edge was there like always, but there was something shattered inside it. Muku looked at his friend, shocked to see tears welling up in the corner of his eyes, his hands trembling against the mattress. That was it. He was done, his biggest fear turned into reality. Yuki was disgusted by him, so enraged that he couldn't stop shaking. It was the end of their friendship, of everything. Muku could feel his throat burning, his tears wanting to come out as well, but he had to at least choke an apology.

"I'm the one who's sorry...! I'm sorry for being like this, I'm sorry for existing, I'm..."

"Why did you pretend to like me all this time?" The anger in his shout was prevalent. "Why were you so kind to me, then? I was the one playing the fool for thinking that you viewed me the same way as I do! You just think I'm a freak, right? Like all the other kids! I know you're spineless, but if you didn't want to be my friend, you could have simply told me so!" Yuki's tears ran down his cheeks, flying around together with his rage outburst. "I'm used to it, you stupid fairy tale obsessed idiot!"

"That's not it!" Muku screamed back, hoping to at least do some damage control. "You got it wrong, Yuki-kun! I don't hate you! I never could hate you." His voice settled back to a lower tone. "You're so brave, and strong, and I admire you so much. You're nice and talented, not only with fashion, but also with acting. I wish I had only a fraction of your mental strength, I look up to you so much. You were my first real best friend and I'm so glad I got to meet you and approach you. I feel like even if I die, be reborn and live another ten lives, I'll never be so lucky again. I don't hate you, Yuki-kun, and I indeed think of you as a friend. I just..." He took a deep breath. "I just feel more than only this! I love you, Yuki-kun! I love you like a prince loves the protagonist of his story! I love you so much my heart hurts and my head spin, and I feel everything that they describe in the stories I read... I love you so, so much, and I was terrified of confessing to you, because of course you don't feel the same, why would you even look at someone like me in this way, you deserve so much..."

"Shut up!" Yuki interrupted him, his chest thumping because of the hiccups caused by his crying. "You are nothing like that, Muku, damn it! Look at yourself in the mirror sometimes! You're wonderful! Even though you are a bit too ditzy, yeah, but that's okay too! I even think that's cute sometimes! You're strong too, it takes a lot of resolve to want to change and improve yourself the way you do! And don't come at me with that 'you're so talented', because guess what? You have lots of talent too! You improve with each play and you shine more every time! So please stop with that crappy bullshit, and listen to me instead of yourself, because I love you too, you dense prince! Actually, why do you go on so much about romance stories? I seriously thought you were straight because of that! That's why I never said anything!"

The words after "I love you" went a bit over Muku's head, actually. He was too shocked to process anything after that, and honestly it would take some time for him to come back to normal. His body, though, was in a condition good enough to react, and it did so by making the boy cry even harder. But those were tears of relief, so everything was okay now.

"Yuki-kun... loves me back...?"

"That's what I just said."

"I'm... so glad..." Muku hid his face in his hand, unable to control the tingling all over his body. Although his mouth was salty and his eyes hurt, a fuzzy feeling was taking over him, and even if he tried to, the tears wouldn't stop rolling down. "I'm so glad!" The words came out in a completely messy manner, making the boy sound more like a baby than like a teenager. The only way to express his happiness that he could think of right now was to hug Yuki, and so he did, and - thank God - his loved one reciprocated the gesture. "I love you so much, Yuki-kun..."

"I love you too, dummy." Even though his nose was runny, Yuki's smile was the most beautiful one that Muku had ever seen in his life. "I think I've seen this line in one of your comics... uh..." Muku shot him a puzzled look. "If I kiss you, will you stop crying? Or something like this."

Now that was something he would never expect from Yuki. Love really makes you different, and Muku was extremely glad that now he could see other sides of his friend, no, his boyfriend.

Instead of a verbal answer, he gave a physical one.

 

The stars still twinkled outside as if nothing had happened, but they, too, were extremely glad to watch over the couple of teenagers, blessing their lives with all their love.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. how to write Azuma  
> 2\. will I, someday, write someone x Yuki but with actual focus on Yuki. also why is he so tsundere here  
> 3\. this is my longest fic ever thanks A3 for giving me life  
> 4\. i forgot flora middle was a escalator school fml  
> 5\. thank you for reading! ♡ feedback is appreciated, and if you like what you see, i take special requests! check out my tumblr for more info!!


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